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| Image courtesy of Lynn Kelley Author |
A little over 2 years ago, I was one of about a million people DESPERATELY trying to rejoin the workforce during the worst economic decline since the depression. As a distraction and challenge (and because Jessica Made Me Do It) I decided to start a blog, and in a fit of EXTREME creativity I called it Mandyland.
Watch out world, I’m a genius.
This is one of the first entries I ever wrote. My pain, here for your amusement! ENJOY!
It had been a week since I had last been rejected and I was taking it as confirmation of my worst fears. I had zero job skills, was completely devoid of personality and was destined to spend the rest of my days as a Wal-Mart Greeter, and to add injury to insult, I was getting sick. It was while I was laying on the couch feeling seriously sorry for myself, indulging in Kleenex and hot tea, that the phone rang and the proceeding nightmare began. A firm I had applied to a few days earlier wanted to conduct a quick over-the-phone interview.
Quietly clearing the 50 year old smoker from my throat, and attempting to clear up the river of mucus flowing from my nose, I dragged my butt off the couch, turned on the personality, and proceeded to answer her questions. Somehow, I pulled it off because she asked me to come in the next day at 4:00 pm for an interview.
Rule #1 in the Job Hunting Handbook: ALWAYS SAY YES!
“Mrs. Allen, would you be available for a skills test tomorrow at noon?”
“Yes, of course!”
“Mrs. Allen, would you mind running through our company obstacle course, so we can evaluate your problem solving skills?”
“Oh, how fun! I’d love to!”
“Mrs. Allen, could we please have a sample of your DNA so we can clone you, and get two employees for the price of one?”
“Wow, what a great idea! Here, let me help you with that cotton swab.”
After assuring the woman on the phone that 4:00 pm would not be a problem, and scrambling for last minute childcare, I felt pretty good, for about a nanosecond. Then the adrenalin wore off and I started feeling sick. Actually, I started feeling REALLY sick. My cold symptoms were rapidly mutating into flu like symptoms. Nauseous and head pounding my husband sent me to bed.
The next day I felt like death warmed over. The headache was gone, but my throat felt like sandpaper, my nose was stuffed solid and I was bone tired. Steering my body toward the couch I tried for a bit of rest before I had to leave. At about noon I hauled my mouth breathing, hacking, and mucus filled body upstairs to make myself presentable. Reaching for my hairbrush I glanced in the mirror to find my face was COVERED in a red, raised, hive-like rash! In horror over my face, I leaned in to get a better look only to find the biggest most disgusting zit of my life growing out of the side of my neck.
Quietly clearing the 50 year old smoker from my throat, and attempting to clear up the river of mucus flowing from my nose, I dragged my butt off the couch, turned on the personality, and proceeded to answer her questions. Somehow, I pulled it off because she asked me to come in the next day at 4:00 pm for an interview.
Rule #1 in the Job Hunting Handbook: ALWAYS SAY YES!
“Mrs. Allen, would you be available for a skills test tomorrow at noon?”
“Yes, of course!”
“Mrs. Allen, would you mind running through our company obstacle course, so we can evaluate your problem solving skills?”
“Oh, how fun! I’d love to!”
“Mrs. Allen, could we please have a sample of your DNA so we can clone you, and get two employees for the price of one?”
“Wow, what a great idea! Here, let me help you with that cotton swab.”
After assuring the woman on the phone that 4:00 pm would not be a problem, and scrambling for last minute childcare, I felt pretty good, for about a nanosecond. Then the adrenalin wore off and I started feeling sick. Actually, I started feeling REALLY sick. My cold symptoms were rapidly mutating into flu like symptoms. Nauseous and head pounding my husband sent me to bed.
The next day I felt like death warmed over. The headache was gone, but my throat felt like sandpaper, my nose was stuffed solid and I was bone tired. Steering my body toward the couch I tried for a bit of rest before I had to leave. At about noon I hauled my mouth breathing, hacking, and mucus filled body upstairs to make myself presentable. Reaching for my hairbrush I glanced in the mirror to find my face was COVERED in a red, raised, hive-like rash! In horror over my face, I leaned in to get a better look only to find the biggest most disgusting zit of my life growing out of the side of my neck.
I’m NOT exaggerating, this zit was big! Think bug bites, chicken pox, boils! Seriously, it looked like it was alive!
So, why not just call and reschedule, right? They would have understood.
So, why not just call and reschedule, right? They would have understood.
ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?
This was a job interview! An invitation so difficult to obtain in this economy that short of Armageddon, you suck it up and go!
River of blood? Get a boat.
The sun is blotted out? Get a flashlight.
Plagues of pocks and boils? Welcome to my world. Slap on some makeup and get in the car!
Alright, so off to my interview I go! Three hours of sleep, breathing through my mouth, sounding like a lifelong smoker, a hideous rash all over my face, and a zit on the side of my neck the size of Jupiter. Yes siree, I’m feeling confident and ready to rock!
Alright, so off to my interview I go! Three hours of sleep, breathing through my mouth, sounding like a lifelong smoker, a hideous rash all over my face, and a zit on the side of my neck the size of Jupiter. Yes siree, I’m feeling confident and ready to rock!
Or maybe someone could just shoot me and put me out of my misery!
I dug deep! I spent the intervals between questions drinking tea, and discreetly coughing or wiping my nose, while simultaneously trying not to wipe off the makeup covering the pestilence on my face, and in the end my effort was rewarded. The interviewer loved me and I was invited back Monday to meet with the President and VP of the company.
Yay, a happy ending, right?! The moral of the story, overcome any obstacle and you will be rewarded!
I dug deep! I spent the intervals between questions drinking tea, and discreetly coughing or wiping my nose, while simultaneously trying not to wipe off the makeup covering the pestilence on my face, and in the end my effort was rewarded. The interviewer loved me and I was invited back Monday to meet with the President and VP of the company.
Yay, a happy ending, right?! The moral of the story, overcome any obstacle and you will be rewarded!
Well, not really. All that and I by the end of the next week I’d received another rejection for my troubles.
The butt of an ongoing universal joke,
Mandy:)
Mandy:)
Except, in the end the universe actually DID get the last laugh. Not 3 months later I got a call from this same company. The position had become available again, and the next day I was hired. It’s been my Day Job for the last 2 years.
I’m sure the Universe felt the whole incident was character building…
But I’m pretty sure she’s just a vindictive bitch!
fun to read a good Friday relax blog