Showing posts with label Mr. Man Mondays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mr. Man Mondays. Show all posts

Parenting Shortcuts

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This past winter our house went through a cycle of illness that never seemed like it was going to end.  Miss M would get sick, then I would, then Mr. Man, then the cycle would start all over again.
After what seemed like the 100th go-around, enough was enough and Mr. Man and I decided it was time to disinfect the house. 

At the end of our long day of cleaning, we climbed into our freshly cleaned bed and Mr. Man shared the following parenting brilliance…
Me: Ahhhhh, I love the feel of clean sheets!

Mr. Man:  It’s so nice to know the sick has all been washed away.
ME:  Definitely!  Between washing all the sheets, and Lysoling everything nailed down, we have got to be officially germ free!

Mr. Man:  Ya, that’s why I Lysoled Miss M. Just to be on the safe side.
ME:  Um, huh?  You mean you sprayed her toys and stuff right?  You didn’t actually spray Lysol on our child?

Mr. Man and Miss M approx. a million Parenting Shortcuts ago
Mr. Man:  No, I meant what I said.   I told her to close her eyes, and then I sprayed her right in the face.  That’s where the sick was coming from, with the never ending running nose and constant coughing so it seemed like the best way to get rid of it.  Besides it says right on the bottle that it kills 99.9% of germs.  

Well, how can you argue with logic like that?

What are your favorite Parenting Shortcuts?

P.S.  Mr. Man was just pulling my chain, he didn’t actually spray Miss M in the face with Lysol… but knowing him, I’m sure he thought about it!

Introducing Mr. Man

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When I was a mere slip of a girl, contemplating the man I would someday marry, I knew there was only one quality that would be 100% non-negotiable in my husband-to-be.
He had to be able to make me laugh.  If he didn’t have a great sense of humor, all bets were off!
It didn’t take long after meeting Mr. Man before I knew he was a keeper.

Mr. Man and his little pink gun.... okay it's actually mine... that story coming soon!

Seriously, the things taking up space in my husband’s head are so random and bizarre, that I couldn’t even begin to make them up.  I’m regularly left laughing so hard I can hardly breathe, or shaking my head wondering if medication might be a good idea.
I got a preview to the fun to come one night while we were still dating.  He had come to visit me at my University in Ottawa, Canada.  It was November, and as is normal for Ottawa that time of year, it was hand-of-death-gripping-your-very-soul cold.  So, having a handy mr-man-heater in my bed, I was cuddled up extra close taking advantage of the welcomed warmth.  
It was sometime around the crack of dawn when something jolted me out of a deep sleep.  Blinking in the dark, I realized my back was cold, meaning my mr-man-heater had moved.  I rolled over so I could cuddled up next to him again, but instead of finding Mr. Man snoring peacefully beside me, I found him sitting up facing my wall.
Blinking and squinting some more I reached out to ask him what was up, when I noticed I had somehow entered into the middle of a horror movie.
See, Mr. Man wasn’t just sleep-staring at the wall acting out some sort of crazy dream.  Nope, my Sweetie, was sleep WRITING on the wall.  As I stared in horror, Mr. Man moved his arm back and forth over the wall with an imaginary pencil in hand, while mumbling something to himself.
To this day Mr. Man can’t believe I didn’t put an actual pencil in his hand to see what he was writing.
I guess I’m just a little crazy that I didn’t actually want to KNOW what might be POSSESSING my then boyfriend!
Again and again before this creepy occurrence, and after, Mr. Man has played out his vivid dreams in real life.
Whether hysterically urging me to hurry because the bedroom window is broken and the room is flooding.
Or
Pointing at the ceiling screaming “NO NOT YOU… YOU!  YA YOU!”, to later inform he had the all important task of choosing who would go on the spaceship to Mars.
Or
Vehemently stressing to me at 3 am, while I pleaded with him to “Shut the Hell Up and go to sleep”, that I “just don’t understand”, whatever weird situation is ACTUALLY going on.
Even while sleeping, living with Mr. Man is always a laugh.
So, being that Pep Talk Polly is always looking for new Sources of the Ridiculous to bring you that laugh when you need it most, I’d like to present,

Mr. Man Mondays!

Every Monday, on the day when most of the population needs a giggle almost more than they need coffee (relax… I said ALMOST), Polly will bring you a little taste of the Madness of Mr. Man.
Believe me when I say, his kind of delightful crazy covers a broad range of topics and will be just the ray of sunshine your Monday needs!
And because Polly LOVES sharing, she wants to know if any of you have a Mr. Man or Ms. Woman of your own.  Someone whose bizarre Shenanigans leave you laugh so hard you pee a little.
C’mon, share the wealth!  Polly’s Monday was a rough one and she could use a chuckle!