My Fetus was an Alien

Today Miss M turns 4 and I can't believe it! 

I seems like just yesterday I was pregnant  and having regular ultrasounds to check on her health and progress.

Most resulted in the typical perfect baby silhouettes eliciting the requisite baby shower oohs and ahhs, but then we got this one…

An Alien or maybe an Anteater?

Thankfully the technician labeled it.

Although, the labels definitely make it worse.

Happy Birthday Miss M!  You are sweet and curious and were making us laugh even before you were born.

Oh, and thanks for not being an alien. That would of been really messy! (and possibly deadly).

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Desperate Measures

I am a wife and mother.

Miss M is almost 4.

Mr. Man sometimes acts like he is almost 4.

Difficult doesn’t even begin to describe the challenges of finding time to work or create.

I know I am not alone in my struggle.

Lucky for us all Polly is all about problem solving.

For each and every one of you who are like me and just need a little time to yourself I present the “Do Not F-ing Disturb” sign.

Found in an Italian hotel room on my first trip to Europe in ‘97, I’ve been holding onto this little beauty knowing that someday it would come in handy.

Unlike your average “Do Not Disturb Sign” this one is sure to get the message across.

If your loved ones cannot understand any of the 4 languages politely asking them to get lost and give you some space, the little white man is sure to drive the message home with his non-so-subtle universal gesture of,

“Please F@#K Off!”

Worried this sign will mortally offend your visiting Mother-in-Law? No need!

Explanations that the little man is politely asking for quiet, with a shushing finger to his lips are easily believable.

Which was most likely the original designer’s intention…

But really?!?!?!?

You see it too right?

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The Tale of the Magic Hair Dryer

It’s Friday. A perfect day for a perfectly random, and slightly pointless story.

When I was a kid my Dad had a T.V. in his living room that I think might have originally been owned by The Flinstones.  It had a dial for the channels, and an on/off button that clicked in and out, and doubled as the volume control.  It was white with a 19 inch screen and had an honest to goodness rabbit ears antenna attached to the top.  Generally the only thing modern about it was that the picture was in color.

My sister Myriam, who was 6, didn’t care how old the tiny T.V. was.  All she cared about was that she could watch her cartoons in peace, while the rest of us sat in the other room and enjoyed our questionably more mature programming on the big modern T.V.

On the surface it seemed like the perfect arrangement, but there was one problem.  Some vital piece inside the tiny white dinosaur was broken, and no one was brave enough to open it up and find out what the problem was.   All we knew was that the T.V. would randomly shut off, and could only be coaxed back on by clicking the on/off switch in just the right way.

Usually with your tongue stuck between your teeth and your eyes squinched just right.

One day when the T.V. randomly clicked off while I was watching it, I got up to go through the motions, and I found an area on the back where the plastic appeared to be melted.  Could it be the T.V. was overheating, and that’s why it was turning off?

Well, remember, this is “The Tale of the Magic Hair Dryer”…

The thing is, and don’t ask me how, but someone in our family figured out that if you took our old Hair Dryer and aimed it into the vent on the back of the T.V. it would somehow fix whatever the problem was, and just like that you could flip the T.V. back on.

No joke, the Magic Hair Dryer looked just like this!

Incredibly, the Hair Dryer also worked on my Dad’s falling apart, P.O.S., blue car.  If the car wouldn’t start, Dad would run an extension cord outside, plug in the Hair Dryer and aim it at the engine.  After a few minutes, he’d get behind the wheel and viola, the car would start.

Now that I’m an adult I’m sure it probably had something to do with drying out the old car’s sparkplugs, but as a child there seemed only one reasonable explanation.

The Hair Dryer was magic!

Again and again, whenever the car wouldn’t start or the tiny T.V. shut off we’d run to grab the Magic Hair Dryer.  Then my parents got a really nice tax return, and replaced the car and the tiny T.V., but I always wondered what had caused the melting on the back of the T.V.

Recently while visiting my sister, the topic of the Magic Hair Dryer came up, and this is what I found out.

One day Myriam was watching her favorite cartoon when “click” the T.V. turned off.  With a cry of rage, she stomped off to retrieve the Magic Hair Dryer, and for 5, 10, 15 minutes she aimed the hot air into the back of the T.V..  Nothing happened.  The T.V. would not turn on!  Completely frustrated, and yet still sure of the Hair Dryer’s magic, Myriam perched the enchanted appliance on the back of the T.V. and went to find a snack.

Mystery solved.

How about you guys?  Any family mysteries? Any weirdly magic appliances?

Please don’t confirm that my childhood was as weird as I think!

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The Bringer of Nightmares

Being a creative type person I am both blessed and cursed with an overactive imagination.  For instance I am 31 years old, and I am terrified of Zombies.

Yes, I realize Zombies don’t really exist.

Yes, I know that likelihood of a Zombie hiding in my shower, lurking at my bedroom window, or bursting through my front door is pretty much nil.

Yes, I am aware that the really scary, superfast, rip your face off in the blink of an eye type Zombies you see in the movies are 100% fictional.

For goodness sake, I’m a grown adult!  Of course I know these things, but it doesn’t change the fact that any time I am witness to any type of Zombiecentric entertainment what-so-ever, I will spend the remainder of the night jumping and twitching at every shadow and noise in my bedroom.

Like I said, overactive imagination.

So imagine my horror as I was trolling through Etsy, my not-so-secret obsession, and I found this.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/85408605/weird-vintage-rushton-stuffed-animal

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!!!!  Call an exorcist, because I’m about 99.99999% sure that this “toy” is possessed!

Really, who would give this to their child to play with?!?!?

http://www.etsy.com/listing/85408605/weird-vintage-rushton-stuffed-animal

Oh, and in case you simply must own this horror movie waiting to happen, you’ll be happy to know it is currently on sale,  That’s right, now for the low, low price of $8.00.  According the listing that is a savings of THIRTY DOLLARS !

Just think, with the $30 you save, you’ll be able to invest in a metal lock box.  Believe me you will need one to make sure this tiny ambassador of pure evil doesn’t sneak up on you when you are sleeping and…

STEAL YOUR SOUL!!!

What about you guys?  Ever found something like this?  A toy so creepy it needed to be locked in a box and buried at the bottom of a deep dark hole, for the sake of all humanity?

Sweet Dreams my Lovelies!

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